Unsaid words.

I'm not a huge fan of unsaid words... but nevertheless, more and more of them are piling up in my life.

It mostly happens at night when I'm thinking about basically everything in my life. I think about my relationships with others and what I'd like to tell them, good and bad things. Then I write my words down in letter form or typed form; but mostly they simply stay in mental ink, and have faded almost completely in the morning, when I feel embarrassed about my late-night thoughts.

But is this really right? I gave one of these late-night writings out to the addressee only once - and the effect wasn't what I expected.

Somehow everything seems easier when you think about it in your bed, because you don't know and don't have to deal with the reaction of the other person. In most cases I think the other person would be happy about me telling them the truth about my feelings if they are positive - but then I think about the complications it might cause. Maybe they'd think about it a lot and create an interpretation that I didn't intend to come up, or maybe they wouldn't understand how serious my words really were (the thoughts I have at night are usually very emotional and intense.... and the pure truth). When I read my texts later, I am sometimes impressed by the variety and intensity of feelings that I've put into them. Sometimes people say I'm not very emotional when it comes to relationships, but I know they are wrong. But they can't know about all of the emotions sleeping inside of me when all I do is expressing them in unsaid words....?

Well, they have one thing in common. All of these unsaid words belong to persons who mean a lot to me and who I don't want to lose. I've lost a few of them already - maybe because they never knew how important they were for me. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I'd just pick up the phone and call them, tell them everything I want to say straight away. But then again I don't know if it would turn our relationship into something that's even more complicated, especially when it's connected to romantic issues.